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What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

 

A good start.

Why does New Jersey have so many toxic waste dumps and Washington DC have so many lawyers?

 

 

New Jersey got First Pick.

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the load, satisfying "THUMP", and then swerve back onto the road.

(at this point some of you are probably wondering how the trucker could distinguish the lawyers from the humans. Obviously he saw the trail of slime they left!)

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.

He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.

"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."

"That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

This one is from the movie "The Rainmaker"

What's the difference between a lawyer and a hooker?

A hooker will stop screwing you after you're dead.

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the middle of the road and a lawyer?

Motorists will swerve to miss the skunk.

by Dr. Guy Friday, July 22, 2005

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

oldie but goody doc. thanx

#3 by Dr. Guy Friday, July 22, 2005

Why does New Jersey have so many toxic waste dumps and Washington DC have so many lawyers? New Jersey got First Pick.

hahahahahahha now that's funny.

#4 by Dr. Guy Friday, July 22, 2005

That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

yer onna roll doc, a second funny one.

5 by Içonoçlast Friday, July 22, 2005

This one is from the movie "The Rainmaker" What's the difference between a lawyer and a hooker? A hooker will stop screwing you after you're dead.

lmao icon, thanx for the out loud laugh, my cats are stareing at me like I am insane.

#6 by Dr. Guy Friday, July 22, 2005

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the middle of the road and a lawyer? Motorists will swerve to miss the skunk.

tff doc... smiling here {much needed one too}

A man in a bar shouted, "All lawyers are assholes!"
Another man said, "Hey, I resent that!"
The first man said, "Are you a lawyer?"
The second man said, No, I'm an asshole."

Reply By: IçonoçlastPosted: Friday, July 22, 2005A man in a bar shouted, "All lawyers are assholes!"Another man said, "Hey, I resent that!"The first man said, "Are you a lawyer?"The second man said, No, I'm an asshole."

another laugh, thanx icon.

I am going through the "been down so long, it looks like up to me" blues

The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.

Reply By: Dr. GuyPosted: Friday, July 22, 2005The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.

groannnnnnnnnnnnn, but funny none the less.