Driving myself Insane.

Really short trip btw

Published on May 9, 2005 By Moderateman In Health & Medicine

As I sit here wondering why I am still here {alive} thoughts go rocketing through my head at the speed of, well thought.

I have one of those "dates with destiny" the 11th, In just two days I will find out if I at least get a chance to do some more of this life {new drug therapy} or if I am sentenced to ...... well you draw a conclusion.

I wonder if I am worthy of a chance at life sometimes, wonder why I lived as my teammates died long ago.

So many profound thoughts and so few answers, {no answers really}.;

I find myself seeking peace more and more these days, and calm acceptence of my situation. {not suceeding}

I find anger comming to my life more frequently and with the power it used to have when I was a younger much more rage filled man.

That's it my thought well has run dry for today.

Peace to all,

elie

Comments (Page 1)

dharmagrl

on May 09, 2005

ModMan:

If I could, I'd be happy to give you a piece of my liver so you could be well again. I think that you're worthy, that you're very worthy, and I'm not surprised that you're angry. You have a wonderful wife and a lot left to live for, so your rage at having to consider leaving all that is very much a natural thing.

I'll be having good thoughts for you on Wednesday,

'Do not go gentle into that good night
Rage, rage against the dying of the light'

Moderateman

on May 09, 2005

'Do not go gentle into that good nightRage, rage against the dying of the light'

dylan thomas. and thank you

alison watkins

on May 09, 2005

I am a pretty avid reader of your blog and I had no idea you weren't well! I must have missed that somewhere along the lines. What exactly is wrong? Whatever it is the damn dr's better fix it because we'd miss you too much!!

Moderateman

on May 09, 2005

Reply By: alison watkinsPosted: Monday, May 09, 2005I am a pretty avid reader of your blog and I had no idea you weren't well! I must have missed that somewhere along the lines. What exactly is wrong? Whatever it is the damn dr's better fix it because we'd miss you too much!!

an active Hep c virus {see no matter what you think you do pay for past misdeeds}

Dr Guy

on May 09, 2005

peace and Prayers for the best outcome.

Moderateman

on May 09, 2005

Reply By: Dr. GuyPosted: Monday, May 09, 2005peace and Prayers for the best outcome.

if there is anything I have learned about joeuser, it's that both docs are at my side and in my corner.

thank you

Dr Guy

on May 09, 2005

Peace and Prayers again. Miler will be along, but wanted me to send them to you from him as well!

MasonM

on May 09, 2005

I'm hoping you get the good news you deserve.

Moderateman

on May 09, 2005

#7 by Dr. Guy
Monday, May 09, 2005

Peace and Prayers again. Miler will be along, but wanted me to send them to you from him as well!

thanx doc. and thank doc.

#8 by MasonM
Monday, May 09, 2005

I'm hoping you get the good news you deserve

the funny thing is if I hit the jackpot all I get is another round of interferon and one year of hell, with no gaurentees of sucess. such is life, but I thank you for well wishes.

Insanoman

Gimpyone

on May 09, 2005

Elie, you know there are no answers I can give you about why you are still here while others are not, believe me I have that same question, but I do know this you are so worthy to be here. You are a courageous man and you are strong! I will be with you Wednesday in spirit. Look above you in the corner I will be there, whispering in you ear "NOW NOW NOW"
I know you are not thinking beyond Wednesday, but 17 more days and we get to hug each other again. Hold onto that thought ok?

Love and Light, Michele

philomedy

on May 09, 2005

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you sent an apology out to me earlier today, so I just want to send one back.

I didn't know things were that bad, and if I've added to your stress in any way I apologize.

Get well. My thoughts are with you.

Moderateman

on May 09, 2005

11 by Philomedy
Monday, May 09, 2005

thanx philo, nothing better than two people that "get to eachother" than to have a common understanding that both are in essense "very human"

Moderateman

on May 09, 2005

#10 by Gimpyone
Monday, May 09, 2005

Love and Light, Michele

you are some of my light michele, for no better reason than you accept me "as is"

Manopeace

on May 09, 2005

You BETTER get well!! I won't take NO as an answer!

Moderateman

on May 09, 2005

#14 by Manopeace
Monday, May 09, 2005

You BETTER get well!! I won't take NO as an answer!

thanx but as my honey says "mabe God has a need for an ex-thug" in heaven , only time will tell mano. but thank you for the thoughts behind the words.

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