I have two daughters One who I speak with on a regular basis named Bobbi and one who I have not spoken to in 10 Years names Jennifer. This is the story about why Jennifer and I have not spoken.
Ten years ago I was still drugging and drinking, I would drug and drink to a blackout so many times I would have no idea what I was doing.
Let me give a little history about myself, I have always been very proud of the fact I have never laid hands on a female in anger, in any way shape or form, never pushed, pulled, hit, grabbed or touched one in anger, period!
When I asked Jennifer why she stopped talking to me I had thought it was about leaving her mother, but boy was I wrong, she told me I had hit her during a blackout and had a witness to the deed. naturally I was crushed beyond all words, I did not believe it, My ex-wife did not believe it either neither did Bobbi my other daughter, but one small part of my brain thought anything is possible and I have been carrying this unrelenting guilt around for ten years, just the possibility I might have laid hands on Jennifer.
Yesterdays Colleen and I spent Thanksgiving with my old family in Sonoma, everyone was there including Trey the so called witness to the deed; it was a good time but I kept away from Jennifer and Trey, finally Trey and I crossed paths and I sucked up all my raging fear and asked the dreaded question, "Trey? did you ever see me hit Jennifer?" expecting the worse. It was the worse; she told me "no Elie I never saw anything like that" Needless to say I was stunned, Trey reached out and touched my arm as she could see the pain in my eyes, I was so blown away, How could Jennifer tell a lie like that? Knowing what it would do to me? I turned around, grabbed Colleen and said "we gotta go honey" said my good byes and we left.
I explained to Colleen what happened in the car on the way home, Colleen was outraged and sad. Today in the light of morning I am so incredibly sad I almost can't breath, that my youngest would go for my throat like that,.