Why I've been so darn angry. the whole story.

inspired by dharma and her kind words

Published on February 17, 2005 By Moderateman In Health & Medicine

Ok here it is for the entire world to see.

No pity thanks you ahead of time.

I went through a series of peg-interon alpha 1a for 12 months and after I was cleared for better things, 4 months later the hep c resurfaced. Slowly I am losing my energy and strength, the beginning of a long downhill slide.

I cannot take any more treatments that are available today {maybe a new one will come out soon}.

This affects my tolerance and allows my anger to flow freely; THIS is not an excuse for my bad behavior, just some facts to chew on for you.

Death from hep c is certain for me, how long? Who knows?

Death is caused by the slow degeneration of the liver, {cirrhosis} and the dumping of the bodies poisons into the blood stream. Not a pretty way to die.

I am more than a little pissed off, am in full-blown rage about this dilemma, and allowing it to overflow into my writings.

The hardest part of all this is to see my wife’s eyes fill with tears for “no apparent” reason.

It’s easy for me all I have to do is be sick, while she has to see her lover wither away.

Nothing sadder than to see a lion become old and useless, unable to hunt and feed itself.

Please, I have had a good life, full of adventures and fun, sorrow and pain also,
I ask for no pity or quarter, as I give none.

Ok now you know, some will be happy to see this, I don’t care, a few sad maybe, don’t be.

A few will wish me well, a few will want my pain to be protracted and long followed by a horrible death. I wish them all good health, and bliss in their lives.

That’s the story , treat it how you will,

Elie aka MODERATEMAN sometime angryman

Comments (Page 1)

Myrrander

on Feb 17, 2005

Hey, brother, you won't ever find me happy at your poor health. I'm a jackass and a bastard and a thousand other things...but I know there are people attatched to these words across miles.

You have my most heartfelt best wishes. No pity, just my hopes for your health and prosperity.

Michael

Texas Wahine

on Feb 17, 2005

I don't really know what to say except that I am wishing you the best.

Moderateman

on Feb 17, 2005

Reply By: MyrranderPosted: Thursday, February 17, 2005Hey, brother, you won't ever find me happy at your poor health. I'm a jackass and a bastard and a thousand other things...but I know there are people attatched to these words across miles. You have my most heartfelt best wishes. No pity, just my hopes for your health and prosperity.Michael

thank you michael, you have no idea of what these words comming from you mean to me.

elie

Moderateman

on Feb 17, 2005

Reply By: Texas WahinePosted: Thursday, February 17, 2005I don't really know what to say except that I am wishing you the best

best wishes are good, maybe a kind thought now and then and if so inclined a prayer to the universe at large.

elie

dharmagrl

on Feb 17, 2005

Ahhh...now it becomes clear.

I understand totally the effects that illnes, medication and being in pain pretty much constantly can have on a person. I occasionally have to take some pain meds that make me, to be blunt, a complete bitch. I hate everyone and everything, and have been known to write whilst under the influence....the results weren't and aren't pretty.

I'm glad that you decided to tell about this, though. It helps those of us who don't know you personally have a clearer understanding of what you're going though, of what life looks like from your viewpoint.

If I could (If were were compatible blood and tissue types) and if it would cure your HepC, I'd happily donate part of my liver to you so you could have your life back. As it is, the odds of that happenng are slim, so the best I can do is ask the universe to help you. You and your wife will be in my thoughts for some time to come, I think...

Thanks for the explanation.

Solnac

on Feb 17, 2005

Wow. First of all, and no offense meant Mod, I kinda thought this was you when I saw the title. Now I kinda wish I hadn't acutally posted what I did on your blog, parts of it...('the coming out of the rain' remark. I was either brilliant or cutting, and considering I'm sick with a head cold, it's hard to differenate which.) my prayers (for what they're worth from an animist rock worshipping heathen.

) and good wishes are with you. Continue to rail against the world if you can...we'll try not to take it too personal. As long as you growl, you're still alive.

There's nothing much more I can say (and I do hope, in this particular case that I've not offended you) so I leave my best wishes here for you (although I might regret that when you claw this poor wolf's face off with your political blogs when the lion restores his health. Kidding: I'm looking forward ot it.) and to tell you, Hallmarkesque, not to lose hope.

Best Wishes,

Sol (Wil)

Moderateman

on Feb 17, 2005

Reply By: dharmagrlPosted: Thursday, February 17, 2005Ahhh...now it becomes clear.

understand totally the effects that illnes, medication and being in pain pretty much constantly can have on a person. I occasionally have to take some pain meds that make me, to be blunt, a complete bitch. I hate everyone and everything, and have been known to write whilst under the influence....the results weren't and aren't pretty.

no pain meds allowed here due to my old addictions and the impact they have on my liver.

Thanx your kind words do seem to "sooth the savage beast"

Moderateman

on Feb 17, 2005

Reply By: SolnacPosted: Thursday, February 17, 2005Wow. First of all, and no offense meant Mod, I kinda thought this was you when I saw the title. Now I kinda wish I hadn't acutally posted what I did on your blog, parts of it...('the coming out of the rain' remark. I was either brilliant or cutting, and considering I'm sick with a head cold, it's hard to differenate which.) my prayers (for what they're worth from an animist rock worshipping heathen. ) and good wishes are with you. Continue to rail against the world if you can...we'll try not to take it too personal. As long as you growl, you're still alive. There's nothing much more I can say (and I do hope, in this particular case that I've not offended you) so I leave my best wishes here for you (although I might regret that when you claw this poor wolf's face off with your political blogs when the lion restores his health. Kidding: I'm looking forward ot it.) and to tell you, Hallmarkesque, not to lose hope.Best Wishes,Sol (Wil)

naw solnac no offense taken, feel free to "put me in my place or on the spot. as I said I ask no quarter because I give none.

any kind thought to the power/s that be/are/is are fine with me, I worshiped at the alter of ralphhhhhhh and earllllll {the toilet} many times . giggle giggle

Moderateman

on Feb 17, 2005

The marines have a saying "we do not retreat" "we attack to the rear" lol I know not the meaning of surrender or quit.{no really what do they mean?} man o man I am on tonite with the cutsie remarks... barfffffffffffffffffffffffffff

InBloom

on Feb 17, 2005

thanks for sharing something so personal...I've seen a few of your blogs, and this lets me see another side of you...best wishes to you, and a wish of happier days ahead, too.

Moderateman

on Feb 17, 2005

Reply By: InBloomPosted: Thursday, February 17, 2005thanks for sharing something so personal...I've seen a few of your blogs, and this lets me see another side of you...best wishes to you, and a wish of happier days ahead, too.

My wife who stands a whole 5 ft 2, all the time says in that big ol body beats the heart and soul of a teddy bear.. I think for the most part she looks at me thru the eyes of love.Unless PROVOKED i can be a kind man tho.

AngelaMarie88

on Feb 17, 2005

I wish you comfort & happiness with your loving wife...

Dharmagrl mentioned a liver transplant. Could that be an option for you?

Also, does this bring you to a point of pondering the meaning of life? Or maybe you've already got that figured out...

island_gurl12

on Feb 17, 2005

See, it works wonders to let others know what drives you nuts

You say it's a long downhill slide but from what i've read you're a fighter and you're not scared of losing.

My prayers are with you and your wife moderateman. And yeah, i believe you're a nice teddy bear

Sugar High Elf

on Feb 17, 2005

You have my prayers, for what they are worth.

Moderateman

on Feb 18, 2005

Reply By: AngelaMarie88Posted: Thursday, February 17, 2005I wish you comfort & happiness with your loving wife...Dharmagrl mentioned a liver transplant. Could that be an option for you?

no transplant while an active virus is present... all that would happen is the virus which homes in on the liver would attack the new one. thanx for the thought though

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!