Dear GOD

Published on August 16, 2006 By Moderateman In Misc

Dear GOD, today I am Pissed off more than usual.

I am having a hard time understanding why I have not been sleeping, why am I ill?

Why is there so much hatred in the world?

I really did not get clean and sober so I could die a slow pain filled death.

There is something inherently wrong with a man so full of life to be laid low by a virus so small I can't see the damned thing.

I say this many times, " the king of the jungle, the male lion should never go toothless". "He should die at the height of his power, not old tired and decrepit".

Dear God you have never answered me about me wanting to take my own life, instead of just wasting away. Why is it such a huge SIN in your eyes? Why can't I when the time is right just end it?

I just cannot believe that YOU want me to fight to the bitter end, when I have no hope left.

Why do you let my people suffer so, and by extension my family and friends suffer too?

Understand GOD that I love you! and will follow your word, but does it have to be so damned hard?

Elie

Comments (Page 2)

Shovelheat

on Aug 17, 2006

I say this many times, " the king of the jungle, the male lion should never go toothless". "He should die at the height of his power, not old tired and decrepit".

And that's EXACTLY what I want to do, Elie. I want to live until there's nothing else left. The way I see it, I didn't put myself here so I ain't gonna take myself out of here either- remember life is tough but I'm tougher? No, I won't take my own life because I've quit enough things in this journey and I'm through with that.

foreverserenity

on Aug 17, 2006

This is beautiful Elie. Your questions are so poignant. I don't have the answers either.

All I can do, like everyone else here who loves you is offer myself to you, being here to help, comfort, if I can. I like having you around and so does Coleen and Michele and your entire family.

I miss you when you're not here too. I love reading your stories, I might not say it often enough but I do. You're so funny and you always have such a way of letting us know just how you feel about anything! If I could give you something from my own bodily organs, I sincerely would just so you could feel better. You're in my prayers always Elie, never forget that. This might sound cryptic but God knows you're there, he understands your pain and he's giving you only that which you can bare. I read what you wrote as not a cry for help, but one of frustrations. You won't give up because of that fighting spirit in you and that's what we all love. Even when the going gets rough and you feel like giving up, you keep trodding on.

Whose going to put that smile on my face if you don't do it? OK, so Joe and Whip and Chris and Maso and a few others always do, but you're different my friend, never forget that.

Let me stop rambling. I just wanted you to know...(((((((((((Elie)))))))))))))).

Moderateman

on Aug 18, 2006

Reply By: ShovelheatPosted: Thursday, August 17, 2006
I say this many times, " the king of the jungle, the male lion should never go toothless". "He should die at the height of his power, not old tired and decrepit".

And that's EXACTLY what I want to do, Elie. I want to live until there's nothing else left. The way I see it, I didn't put myself here so I ain't gonna take myself out of here either- remember life is tough but I'm tougher? No, I won't take my own life because I've quit enough things in this journey and I'm through with that.

If I ever reach the point of being bedridden, wearing diapers, stinking from my own urine seeping through my pores, painkillers no longer working, no hope.. I am outta here.

Moderateman

on Aug 18, 2006

Reply By: GimpyonePosted: Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Elie, I wish I had the answer to your questions but I do not, only HE does. I know that when the time comes that there is no more fight left in you I will stand by your side. I HAVe to believe that GOD will understand if you choose to end your pain and suffering. I have had many of the same questions with no answers, maybe I am not listening hard enough??
Just know that I love you and alwasy will. You own a very large piece of my heart!
Micheleyourbelle

And you will always have a peice of my heart, Michelemybelle

Micheleeeeeeeeeee my belleeeeeee these are words that go together wellllllll, my michele.

Moderateman

on Aug 18, 2006

Reply By: Tova7Posted: Wednesday, August 16, 2006
MM, I am sorry you are hurting.

I can't answer any of your questions to God, because I'm not Him. heh.

But you are well loved and maybe its selfish, but I'd like for you to stick around as long as possible with as little pain as possible. You have a lot of heart to share with the world.

You always have something kind to say.. you are a sweetheart of a person, Z{{{{{{{{{tova}}}}}}}}

Moderateman

on Aug 18, 2006

Reply By: Adventure-DudePosted: Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Hey MM,

*insert something really profound and inspirational* because I have none.

It's definitely the thought that counts, sometimes the words just will not come. thank you for the thought.

Moderateman

on Aug 18, 2006

Reply By: KFC (Kickin For Christ)Posted: Wednesday, August 16, 2006
So sorry also for your pain and suffering. There is so much suffering here all around us. That's why I have decided to study this maybe to be helpful to those around me. For the past few weeks I've been doing a study on Psalm 73 which goes to the heart of the matter and gives practical ways for us to understand our problems and suffering.

I guess I want to know as well....God what are you doing here? Why do our loved ones suffer so?

I have always had trouble with anyone dieing a slow death, somehow it just does not seem fair or just.

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