Who Decides?

Published on June 1, 2006 By Moderateman In Personal Relationships

You are having a heated argument with an acquaintance, a disagreement of sorts, suddenly party A says "hey you hurt my feelings" Party B' Says no I did not!

I always thought it was up to the party that had his feelings hurt to decide if they were hurt or not.

How can anyone say "I did not hurt your feelings" when Party A made it very clear indeed they were hurt.

Who's decision is it to decide about hurt feelings? The one that claims there feelings were hurt or insulted or the other party in this case party B who is NOT INSIDE Party A head, who does not feel what Party A felt?

When someone tells me I hurt them I might not understand why they are hurt or insulted, but then again I am not in that persons head and I do not have a clue how that person feels except for what they tell me. I apologize even if I do not understand what's the big deal, It must have been a big deal or else why would Party A say he was hurt or insulted?

If asked to apologize you can do one of two things, apologize if you think the other person is worth keeping around, or not apologize even knowing you might have this person annoyed enough to kick you to the curb. It all seems very black and white to me. What say you folks?

Comments (Page 2)

Moderateman

on Jun 02, 2006

As the JU drama continue to unfold and we are treated with multitudinous reason why no apology will be issued because he said nothing he is sorry for.

As usual with smart people the obvious is being over looked, How about a simple apology just because "you hurt someones feelings" This way the one that apologizes looses nothing, and the one that wants an apology is appeased.

But I expect nothing, it's obvious to me that he has dug his heels in and would not apologize now if it would cause world peace.

For someone that claims to be evolved and can care less about how I feel has now written not one, not two, but three articles on this absurd brouhaha.

Tova7

on Jun 02, 2006

I am one of those guys that sometimes need a moment to calm down

Me too...I usually say things I later regret when angry. And the sad truth is, when I am angry if someone tries to reason with me...well it usually gets WORSE!

As an example, I got into an argument once with a relative that degenerated to such lunacy that I actually argued the sky is red! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA And I wouldn't come off it no matter what she said I was so mad!

Funny now...especially when she brings it up to poke at me sometimes...

foreverserenity

on Jun 02, 2006

There are heated discussions and there are arguments that turn into disagreements. Hopefully this will be resolved at some soon.

If someone is hurt by what is discussed, it is good to for the other party to apologise. Because sometimes there are things said in the heat of the moment that are either taken the wrong way or not said in the right way. I've done that before. It's great when two people can learn something from each other's point of view and that's hopefully what will happen here.

Moderateman

on Jun 03, 2006

Reply By: Tova7Posted: Friday, June 02, 2006I am one of those guys that sometimes need a moment to calm downMe too...I usually say things I later regret when angry. And the sad truth is, when I am angry if someone tries to reason with me...well it usually gets WORSE!As an example, I got into an argument once with a relative that degenerated to such lunacy that I actually argued the sky is red! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA And I wouldn't come off it no matter what she said I was so mad!Funny now...especially when she brings it up to poke at me sometimes...

yup once I hit that state of mind I only hear noise and any arguement no matter how SANE is NOT going to penatrate my thick skull, I just continue to get angrier.

Moderateman

on Jun 03, 2006

Reply By: foreverserenityPosted: Friday, June 02, 2006There are heated discussions and there are arguments that turn into disagreements. Hopefully this will be resolved at some soon.If someone is hurt by what is discussed, it is good to for the other party to apologise. Because sometimes there are things said in the heat of the moment that are either taken the wrong way or not said in the right way. I've done that before. It's great when two people can learn something from each other's point of view and that's hopefully what will happen here.

unfortunately I think it's beyond that point now, I could be wrong.

Moderateman

on Jun 03, 2006

Reply By: little-whipPosted: Friday, June 02, 2006Hmmm, what was it I was saying about "secret buttons" the other day? Link

I read it and left a comment about it. I get it whip I really do.

ps. thank you for being exactly who you are.

Moderateman

on Jun 03, 2006

23 by little-whip
Sat, June 03, 2006 09:20 AM

ps. thank you for being exactly who you are.

You've got mail, Elie.

thanx, read it and decided to open my blog up to gid. where did you get to learn me so well and what touches me? hmmm?? lol

Gideon MacLeish

on Jun 03, 2006

unfortunately I think it's beyond that point now, I could be wrong.

No, as long as I'm talking, it's never beyond that point. It's when I STOP talking that you should be concerned.

My comments were a reaction to something I take VERY seriously, moderateman. I do respect you, if I didn't, I wouldn't have said a thing. Note how much attention I've given my most recent blacklistee for his full frontal assault on me since it occured (namely, NONE). I DID think the comments were out of character, and that is why I made the statement I did questioning the seriousness of your comments. I HONESTLY thought you were being satirical to prove a point, and commented to that effect.

I think a lot of what occured was miscommunication. I honestly didn't mean to take it to my blog, but I had no other way to respond to you.

Thank you for reopening your blog and extending the olive branch. It shows a lot of character on your part.

Gideon MacLeish

on Jun 03, 2006

kumbayahhhhh m'lord.....kumbayahhhh....

everyone hates a smartass, LW!

Moderateman

on Jun 03, 2006

#25 by little-whip
Sat, June 03, 2006 11:56 AM

Then again, what would a hard-ass like ME know about soft hearts, hmmm?

takes one to know one!

Moderateman

on Jun 03, 2006

#26 by Gideon MacLeish
Sat, June 03, 2006 0:17 PM

Thank you for reopening your blog and extending the olive branch. It shows a lot of character on your part.

thank you , sometimes I just need a cooling off period.

Moderateman

on Jun 03, 2006

#31 by little-whip
Sat, June 03, 2006 1:40 PM

in yer own weird and perverted ways

there is nothing weird and perverted about me, unless you count my penchant for pink thong panties with black mesh nylons anchored by a stunning little garter belt.

Gideon MacLeish

on Jun 03, 2006

there is nothing weird and perverted about me, unless you count my penchant for pink thong panties with black mesh nylons anchored by a stunning little garter belt.

we need an emoticon for "TMI"!

Moderateman

on Jun 03, 2006

Reply By: Gideon MacLeishPosted: Saturday, June 03, 2006there is nothing weird and perverted about me, unless you count my penchant for pink thong panties with black mesh nylons anchored by a stunning little garter belt. we need an emoticon for "TMI"!

I bet that mental picture will disturb your sleep for weeks. heh heh heh

Trudygolightly

on Jun 04, 2006

Often times it's a matter of expecations or a misunderstanding that leads to the feelings being hurt.

Very insightful adventure-dude!
true words.

It is not up to me to decide how they should or should not feel.

also insightful, and also true. I've been taught that people choose how they feel, which no one has brought up here, probably because it would be too much like throwing fuel on the fire!!

I read this blog when it first came out, before all the comments and I left it alone as it didn't make sense to me as I didn't know what had happened.
I thought ( wrongly) that maybe it was kinda like a philosophical article.

THEN I read Gid's article and knew what was going on, sort of.

I came back here at 1:30 a.m. this morning cause I can't sleep and find this again!
AND it hit me right between the eyes!
CAUSE my sis and me had a falling out a couple of years ago, then again a year and a half ago. It SEEMS I screw up somehow, with her, on a regular basis.....

This blog article allowed me to see that while I hadn't done anything wrong, and she swears "I hurt her feeelings" ( to which I apologized) she didn't and hasn't forgiven me. No matter I apologized. I did my part. She hasn't.

Sorry I went into so much detail, it's just that seeing this really helped alot!!

It made it possible to understand things better. AND I'm really glad you guys made up! Gots to be some place where we can all get along, in spite of relatives........
Nuf said

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