America has problems, but America is NOT THE PROBLEM!~
The Rules of English
Published on June 23, 2008 By Moderateman In Humor

The rules of English are mush like the rules of a bar fight, there are no hard and fast rules as far as I can tell.

I before E except after C, but this has exceptions. How am I to know? As for Know the word itself, why is the K silent? and if it is silent why is Know not pronounced like NOW? Who made up these rules? I want to know, now!

When does someone use a semi colon? or a colon? and who named a colon after a body part?

When do you capitalize a word in the middle of a sentence? and why? Also why can't we start sentences with And?

When do you use whom instead of who? How did contractions of words come to be?

I will award a genuine no-ship to anyone that can answer these questions.


Comments (Page 1)
2 Pages1 2 
on Jun 23, 2008
I'm guessing someone is going to have a slick, correct answer for your questions. I have been out of college too long to answer with confidence.

A lot of the grammar stuff I can't explain why or tell you when it's right or wrong, I just know. Other stuff I think I know, but get it wrong all the time. Haha.

A colon looks like a semi colon, IMO. LOL. Ok, maybe more like a comma.
on Jun 23, 2008
I cant spell the questions! Now how am I going to answer them?
on Jun 23, 2008

Texas Wahine
I'm guessing someone is going to have a slick, correct answer for your questions. I have been out of college too long to answer with confidence.A lot of the grammar stuff I can't explain why or tell you when it's right or wrong, I just know. Other stuff I think I know, but get it wrong all the time. Haha.A colon looks like a semi colon, IMO. LOL. Ok, maybe more like a comma.

O I C ! Or maybe I don't

on Jun 23, 2008

Dr Guy
I cant spell the questions! Now how am I going to answer them?

Spell? you mean I have to learn spelling along with rules? sheeeesh!!!!!!

on Jun 23, 2008
O I C


LOL.

on Jun 23, 2008

I realize this is a humor article, but... well, okay, I think the questions are asked often enough seriously to warrant answer. I'm NOT a linguist or English major, but this is what I've picked up over a lifetime of using and learning about it as a native speaker:

1. English is a strange hybrid langauage, in that where most languages have a single 'root language'-- like Spanish and French are latin-based-- English is based on both Latin and Germanic roots. This is why sometimes English sentence structure follows German very closely,a nd other times it does not. As for things like now/know/no and such... well, that's the nature of language. It evolves, and in doing so, develops strange rules. English, by its largely hybrid nature and English-speakers' tendencies to 'borrow' words and such, develops a lot of idicyncracies, but you'll find things like this in most languages, I'm told.

2. A semi-colon is used to link two independent phrases together when they're related to each other. It essentially takes the place of a period between two sentences to show that one thought is related to the next. Similarly, it also behaves as a conjunction like 'and' or ', but' with the context of which relationship it implies given within the sentences. A dash(--) can also be used in a semicolon's place-- though a dash can allso be used in place of a comma to form an appositive-- an interjected fragment that gives more explanation of a concept-- just like I'm using here. Colons are quite different; they're used when one phrase cannot stand on its own, or to introduce a list.(Not the semi-colon here-- I could have just as easily said "Colons are quite different. They're used when one phrase cannot stand on its own, or to introduce a list." or "Colons are quite different, because they're used when one phrase cannot stand on its own, or to introduce a list." I chose to use a colon because the relationship is implied and it's my stylistic choice.) The major thing to remember is that with a colon, the second phrase won't stand on its own as a proper sentence. A semi-colon is also sometimes used instead of a comma to delimit a list.

3. You captitalize when: it's the start of a sentence, or you have a proper noun. "I need to see the doctor, so I made an appointment with Doctor Smith"... in this case, the first time, I'm using a general noun denoting the general concept of a doctor-- in the second, I'm referencing a specific doctor, and thus I capitalize, because it is being used as a title, part of a proper noun. Sometimes in colloquial writing, you'll see people capitalize in Places That Do Not Seem Appropriate. Sometimes this is being done to put emphasis on particular words by treating them as a proper noun, but it is not correct English per se.

3b. You don't start a sentence with And, But, Because, Which, or a number of other words of the sort because they are conjunctions. They are designed to link an incomplete sentence(fragment) to a complete one. If your sentence is complete on its own, you don't need one. If it isn't, then you need to put a complete sentence on the other side of the conjunction.

4. Whom is the prepositional form of Who, if I recall correctly. "Who owns this dog?" "To whom does this dog belong?" Tha'ts a very contrived example, but it illustrates the point. A better one might be that it's actually incorrect to say "Who does this dog belong to?" as many people do. 'Whom' is the correct form to use in this case.

4b. Contractions are easy, via the following exercise: Say "It is Monday." Now say it faster. Faster. Faster. Eventually it'll sound like "It's Monday". Eventually this colloquialism becomes common, and then becomes proper. I refer you to #1-- languages evolve. Except for dead languages.

I award myself the "Answered a Humor Question Seriously" Nerd Award. Yoiks, and away!

on Jun 23, 2008

(I also fail at proofreading my comments. I mssed a couple of typo mistakes here and there. Such happens. The most glaring one is that I chose a semi-colon as a stylistic choice.)

on Jun 24, 2008
(I also fail at proofreading my comments. I mssed a couple of typo mistakes here and there. Such happens. The most glaring one is that I chose a semi-colon as a stylistic choice.)


That's ok. It is english after all.

Your points are well taken. It is the maleability of the language that makes it so difficult, and yet so wide spread. Almost any person using the Roman Alphabet can pick out words they know from their native tongue, and thus the reading of the language is easier to pick up than a xenophobic one like French. Speaking it - now that is what slips up even the native born english speakers.
on Jun 24, 2008

Azzizi
I realize this is a humor article, but... well, okay, I think the questions are asked often enough seriously to warrant answer. I'm NOT a linguist or English major, but this is what I've picked up over a lifetime of using and learning about it as a native speaker:1. English is a strange hybrid langauage, in that where most languages have a single 'root language'-- like Spanish and French are latin-based-- English is based on both Latin and Germanic roots. This is why sometimes English sentence structure follows German very closely,a nd other times it does not. As for things like now/know/no and such... well, that's the nature of language. It evolves, and in doing so, develops strange rules. English, by its largely hybrid nature and English-speakers' tendencies to 'borrow' words and such, develops a lot of idicyncracies, but you'll find things like this in most languages, I'm told.2. A semi-colon is used to link two independent phrases together when they're related to each other. It essentially takes the place of a period between two sentences to show that one thought is related to the next. Similarly, it also behaves as a conjunction like 'and' or ', but' with the context of which relationship it implies given within the sentences. A dash(--) can also be used in a semicolon's place-- though a dash can allso be used in place of a comma to form an appositive-- an interjected fragment that gives more explanation of a concept-- just like I'm using here. Colons are quite different; they're used when one phrase cannot stand on its own, or to introduce a list.(Not the semi-colon here-- I could have just as easily said "Colons are quite different. They're used when one phrase cannot stand on its own, or to introduce a list." or "Colons are quite different, because they're used when one phrase cannot stand on its own, or to introduce a list." I chose to use a colon because the relationship is implied and it's my stylistic choice.) The major thing to remember is that with a colon, the second phrase won't stand on its own as a proper sentence. A semi-colon is also sometimes used instead of a comma to delimit a list.3. You captitalize when: it's the start of a sentence, or you have a proper noun. "I need to see the doctor, so I made an appointment with Doctor Smith"... in this case, the first time, I'm using a general noun denoting the general concept of a doctor-- in the second, I'm referencing a specific doctor, and thus I capitalize, because it is being used as a title, part of a proper noun. Sometimes in colloquial writing, you'll see people capitalize in Places That Do Not Seem Appropriate. Sometimes this is being done to put emphasis on particular words by treating them as a proper noun, but it is not correct English per se.3b. You don't start a sentence with And, But, Because, Which, or a number of other words of the sort because they are conjunctions. They are designed to link an incomplete sentence(fragment) to a complete one. If your sentence is complete on its own, you don't need one. If it isn't, then you need to put a complete sentence on the other side of the conjunction.4. Whom is the prepositional form of Who, if I recall correctly. "Who owns this dog?" "To whom does this dog belong?" Tha'ts a very contrived example, but it illustrates the point. A better one might be that it's actually incorrect to say "Who does this dog belong to?" as many people do. 'Whom' is the correct form to use in this case.4b. Contractions are easy, via the following exercise: Say "It is Monday." Now say it faster. Faster. Faster. Eventually it'll sound like "It's Monday". Eventually this colloquialism becomes common, and then becomes proper. I refer you to #1-- languages evolve. Except for dead languages.I award myself the "Answered a Humor Question Seriously" Nerd Award. Yoiks, and away!

While posted in humor {there was no other place to give this justice} I was asking serious questions and I thank you for answering some of them.But alak and alas since you did NOT answer ALL of them I must keep the promised NO-SHIP.

 

MM

on Jun 24, 2008

Azzizi
(I also fail at proofreading my comments. I mssed a couple of typo mistakes here and there. Such happens. The most glaring one is that I chose a semi-colon as a stylistic choice.)

I noticed the errors and personally hate spelling and grammar Nazis so mistakes made on this blogsite are safe.

on Jun 24, 2008
When does someone use a semi colon? or a colon? and who named a colon after a body part?


Musta reminded them of two beady eyes looking at people's colon? :

That just makes that person sick with a semi colon. ;

Quit your winkin!!!!

------

Hey MM how you doing? I thought I was gettin a call after you watched the flix.

vech vech vech vech. hehe feeling guilty yet???
on Jun 24, 2008

Adventure-Dude
When does someone use a semi colon? or a colon? and who named a colon after a body part?Musta reminded them of two beady eyes looking at people's colon? :That just makes that person sick with a semi colon. ;Quit your winkin!!!!------Hey MM how you doing? I thought I was gettin a call after you watched the flix. vech vech vech vech. hehe feeling guilty yet???

Sorry about that AD, Since june 13th {Colleens B day} and the 20th of June My B day Colleen and I have been "nesting" till this monday {the 23rd} No outside communication, just Coll and I happy as newly weds doing their thing.. sighhhhh!!!!

on Jun 24, 2008
just Coll and I happy as newly weds doing their thing.. sighhhhh!!!!


on Jun 25, 2008
Since june 13th {Colleens B day} and the 20th of June My B day Colleen and I have been "nesting" till this monday {the 23rd}


Happy Birthday to the Newly Re-Weds!   
on Jun 25, 2008

Since june 13th {Colleens B day} and the 20th of June My B day Colleen and I have been "nesting" till this monday {the 23rd}Happy Birthday to the Newly Re-Weds!   

62 and still 18 hmmmm how do I do it?

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